Why Being Selfish is The Most Selfless Thing to Do

You are SO Selfish! I’m sure that just reading that makes you feel a certain kind of negative way. We’ve been
programmed to think and feel that way from an early age. And its even worse for us women.

With being a mother, wife, employee, friend and expected to be the emotional glue that holds the family together it’s not normal or practical to be unselfish.

In fact, selfishness is really only just a quality. It’s a quality EVERYONE possesses. But there is a such thing as good selfishness and evil selfishness.

It must be understood that there is a huge difference between being self-absorbed/involved/consumed and being self-focused. My definition for my life on selfishness means being self-focused.

So, I’m here to say publicly and loudly… Shouting it from the rooftops that I AM PROUDLY SELFISH!!!

Here’s why being selfish is actually the most selfless thing you can do:

It Makes Your Relationships Better

Social scientist from the University of Arizona conducted a study that involved over 150 married and unmarried couples. They found that making sacrifices for your partner when you do not want to, especially if it’s done while you are stressed, leads to arguments and fights.

Continuous sacrifice for your spouse also begins to morph you into this unrecognizable ball of oneness with your partner. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but keeping a sense of your identity and personality is not only good for your partner, but good for your own mental well-being as well.

Have you been around a couple where they think alike, begin to talk and sound alike and eventually dress alike? Well then you know what I’m talking about.

Having “me” time keeps you in tune with who you are, your personality and your likes and dislikes. It’s not a bad thing, after all, your partner wants the person they fell in love with, not you/him combination you’ve turned into.

YOU Will Be Happier

The negative selfish people I have come across in my life never seem to be happy. So you might be wondering how being selfish will make you happier.

Remember, the selfish I am referring to is actually self-focus and not the old classic selfish I-don’t-give-a-crap-about-anybody type of person. That kind of selfish is gross and those types of people are usually narcissistic and couldn’t find happiness if it programmed in their GPS.

When you start self-focusing you begin to look more closely to quality rather than quantity. You begin to become fulfilled much quicker because you begin to streamline things in your life.

For example, in your old “unselfish” life you may have gone out to 5 or 6 different places or participated in 5 or 6 different things that you didn’t have any interest in, but did it for a friend or partner.

Your new self-focused self can say no to 3 or 4 of those decisions and replace them with things that you can do for yourself… Even if that means you’d rather sit on the couch and watch a Roseanne marathon… or better yet, binge-read thinontime.com.

YOU Will Be Healthier

The quickest thing you will learn when you begin to self-focus is that you will suddenly have all this time on your hands. For some of us, that time might feel weird. But stick with it because it’s in that time that you can really make positive life changes.

For those ladies out there that have kids and a spouse and a job and are pulled in 749 different directions, yes, you too can find time. It’s usually those ladies that have a hard time with the time because it’s probably been so long since you’ve had alone time to begin with.

Self-focus also drastically reduces your stress levels, which, for those that are trying to lose weight and get healthy, is a major sabotage.

Becoming more selfish doesn’t mean you stop caring about people, it just means you start living for your own expectations rather than others’ expectations of you.

This new perspective will also give you clarity and insight into how other people may actually be sabotaging your progress.

It’s a strange thing when you have extra time to yourself and have some time to think and reflect on your life. You begin to see other peoples’ actions. And sometimes, those closest to us might be the ones who have the most negative impact on us.

Without self-focusing and using this time to distress and reflect you may inadvertently keep yourself in that negative cycle without even realizing it.

YOU Will Be More Productive

NO… That has become one of my new favorite words ever. It was hard for me to get to that point where I was comfortable saying no to people, but now I can’t wait to say it!

Saying no is part of the process of becoming a positive selfish person, one’s self-focus is sharp. Saying no to people is vital to accomplishing this because people will ultimately take as much as YOU will give them.

Ever wonder why people always turn to you for “favors”? You thought it was because you’re just so smart and kind, which you might be. But it’s mainly because they know you will say yes.

“Hey, can you help me move my desk to the other side of the room after work so I can get the westward sunlight?” Sure, I’d love to help!  That was the old you.

The new you will say, “I’d love to, but I can’t, I have an important date with my children later and can’t be late. Thanks for asking though”.  You just saved yourself an hour. What will you do with it? Anything you want.

These “Time Vultures” are everywhere and in everyone’s life. But when you start saying no to them you begin to set your own boundaries that they will slowly start to accept.

YOU Will Be More in Control of Your Life

Now that you have these time vultures in check with your new boundaries, you will notice a funny thing. You all of the sudden have more respect.

The same people who would not respect the fact that you have your own life will suddenly stop asking for favors so quickly, they’ll stop calling so frequently to waste your time with the soap opera dramas going on in their lives and you begin to feel much more confident.

With this new self-focus your self-worth increases as you become more equipped to go after what you actually desire. You become more sincere and genuine because you are forced to take ownership of your time, decisions and actions.

To sum it all up, being selfish (or self-focusing) means that you can truly be a co-parent, a co-worker and a true friend because you become more genuine, you cherish quality over quantity and are conscious of maintaining proper boundaries.

Essentially, you become you again.

Tell me what you think

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